Monday, 3 July 2017

Poldark -a load of rubbish

Every Sunday evening I am now sentenced to an hour of hell- watching Poldark.  Alright I know I watch a lot of rubbish TV but this has to be the  tops as far as rubbish TV goes. My wife though loves it. Apparently women up and down the country swoon every Sunday at Ross Poldark, switching on the TV in the hope that -once again - he will take off his shirt and scythe some hay.

Perhaps if Teresa May and her advisers watched Poldark they would not have called the election because our 'Ross' bears a striking resemblance to Jeremy Corbyn. Not just in being unshaven, or always slovenly dressed but in his complete absence of even the slightest knowledge about economics or actually what's going on in his own county-yet everyone loves him!.

So last night we were informed that in the year 1792 or thereabouts there was 'famine in Cornwall' and the 'people were starving.'  No they weren't. There was no famine in Cornwall in the 18th or 19th century. We were then shown harrowing pictures of starving Cornishmen being shot down by wicked red coat soldiers as they tried to loot a ship which had just arrived full of grain.  Apparently the wicked nouveau riche banker Warleggan- seeing the masses starve -had decided to import some grain to feed them and make -it is true - a handsome profit on the side.  But at least he was bringing grain in for the starving, no one else apparently was. Then the hero, the imbecilic Ross, waking up suddenly to the famine(rather late in the day one would have thought) organised a shipment grain himself and gave it all a way free!

Ross, the hero, is oddly, a member of an old Cornish gentry family fallen on hard times.  He reads the Guardian daily (Ok I made that bit up) , has married the daughter of a Cornish peasant, who keeps on having babies.  Everyone apart from the villain and Ross speaks in a BBC 'mockney' Cornish accent. In other words an accent which has absolutely not a scintilla in common with the real glorious West Country burr which I so well remember from my boyhood.  Why can't the BBC hunt in its voluminous sound archives for genuine Cornishmen speaking and get these overpaid half wit actors to try and get their tongues around the beautiful tones and nuances of broad Cornish, too idle I suppose. 

To add insult to injury most of the filming in the series is not even done in Cornwall. Warleggan's house is, for instance, actually in Gloucestershire. So the history is complete and utter rubbish , the economics laughable, the accents pathetic, and most of the sets bogus. The only good thing are the occasional 'artistic' shots of the glorious Cornish coast. But who cares as long as the ratings are good. Well I care because with a little bit of care and attention the BBC could have made a cracking series which DID get the history, the accents and the details right.  Once thirty odd years or more ago that is what they did better than anyone else in the world. Not any more. Now sadly the BBC is run by morons for morons.

Sunday, 2 July 2017

ties or tieless

The ghastly Bercow - otherwise known as the Speaker of the House of Commons - has given permission for MP's to remove their ties.

This 'tieless' move is -I suppose- yet another example of the 'dumbing down' of every aspect of public life. I think it was Tony Blair who begun it all with his shallow 'folksy' image of being 'one of the lads.'  Cameron then took it all a step further - taking his coat and tie off and rolling up his sleeves with the idea - I suppose - of hoping everyone would think he was hardworking chap -rather than what most of them actually thought - that he was a complete phoney- which of course he was/is.

For it is an odd thing about your average Brit that they actually rather like you to 'dress the part.'  We want our Prime Minister to look and behave like a Prime Minister not like a second rate accountant on a day off.  We also -I think - want our MP's to look and behave like MP's (OK I know that's wishful thinking.) 

But there is more to 'dressing up' than just looking the part - I believe the dress you wear helps you to be  the part.  Those of us who remember when policemen where smart as paint also remember that they were very polite and  were admired the world over - now they look like slobs and more often than not behave like slobs and I can't help thinking that discipline in schools would be enormously improved if masters once more wore gowns and mortar boards. 

Monday, 12 June 2017

The UK election - lessons learnt

Predictably the 'Remoaners' are rejoicing at the disastrous Tory election result. Now we must have a 'Soft' Brexit -what ever that means - sounds like a brand of lavatory paper to me..

Well actually NO -the election didn't say that - or anything like that.  The UKIP vote mostly went to the Tories whilst the openly 'Remain' parties, the SNP and the Liberals had a really bad election. it would be a grave mistake of politicians and 'the business community' (of which more later) to think they have killed the UKIP Dragon, it's not dead but only sleeping and Nigel Farage is already half awake ready to re-join the fray. In other words if the Conservative government now thinks it would be good politics to cuddle up to the Germans then they risk reigniting UKIP and a large scale fall off in their electoral support.

Have we learnt anything from this election. Well one thing is that education is clearly a complete waste of time and money - a view I have long held, noting that most successful companies are started by those who leave school at sixteen with one GCSE not graduates with double firsts.  so Cambridge - that seat of learning - retuned a Labour MP for the first time ever- why - because Corbyn said he would not only stop charging students tuition fees but- at a cost of a mere £30 billion- wipe out the debts of any graduate with an outstanding student loan!

You might have thought that the educated elite would have been able to do the sums and work out that showering such largesse on graduates now wallowing in highly paid jobs in business and banking, was, for both economic and political reasons, just not going to happen. But Oh No. These over educated morons voted Labour. so that's one major lesson learnt  - spending more money on education doesn't equal producing a more intelligent electorate - rather the opposite.

Now for the 'business community.' I know - though press studiously ignores it - that many truly successful businessmen -who have actually built up their own businesses -like Lord Bamford - are pro Brexit while the 'Buggins turn' bosses of Britain's banks and large PLC's  are predictably 'Remoaners' also that there are many superb economists who think that a hard Brexit is quite manageable economically.

The thing to remember about the 'business community' is that their vision is short term - for them
five years is a long term project. Governments though should be thinking long term. So the 'business community' loves immigration because it gives them cheap labour. they don't have to worry about the long term consequences of it or pay for the education, health and housing problems it brings in its wake - they just like counting their -mostly unearned -bonuses.

As for the 'banking community' don't get me started on these pariahs. The whole reasons we are in the economic pooh is because of their gross incompetence and they have the nerve to lecture us on the follies of Brexit.  But don't worry when they threaten that 'jobs will leave London' because - frankly- they are most likely to be foreign jobs anyway - by that I  mean a job carried out by a foreigner working and living in London. A friend working for a large Investment Bank told me in his department - employing some 70 people -he and one other where the only Englishmen -So bye bye  banking jobs and hello to affordable house prices in London. sounds like a good deal to me.  

Oh and if a banking exodus means a fall in tax revenue - well we now know where to make the savings - in the higher education budget - it is - as they say - a no brainer

Thursday, 18 May 2017

The World we Live In -South West Water - a moron company

The telephone rings- I am  in the middle of breakfast -my wife picks up the receiver - she talks - then turns to me :

"It is South West Water they say they will only speak to you."

Cross - I hate my breakfast being interrupted - I pick up the receiver


"is that Mr Fulford "

" Yes"

"Could you give the first line of your address."


"It's because of the Data Protection Act"

"Well as you are calling my home number you must know the first line of my address"

"We have to ask for it -it is the Data Protection Act"

"I am sorry I cannot speak to morons at this time of the morning" and put the telephone down.

Wednesday, 3 May 2017

Bullying Germany

When will the Germans ever learn. Twice in the 20th century we had to teach them that bullying other countries was just 'not on' and here they go again.  Now they are the big 'I am' of Europe they think once again they can throw their weight around and tell everyone what to do.  Well not us Mrs Merkel.

You would have thought that a day or two reading the history of the last century would have taught her that threats and bombast have the opposite effect on British people than is intended. If instead of being aggressive Merkel and her chums had used soft words and conciliatory phrases plus an little bit of flattery they would have got a very different reaction from the British people. But the more they bully and bluster the more our hackles rise and the more we dig our heals in as the Kaiser and Her Hitler both discovered to their cost.


Thursday, 27 April 2017

UKIP and the General Etection

Sadly UKIP -at the moment - is in disarray.  It has won the WAR - namely getting a referendum and then winning it - but seems currently to be running around like a headless chicken without direction. So here is what it should do

Firstly announce that it will only field candidates in those constituencies where the Conservative candidate is either a 'remainer' or a 'soft' Brexiter. It would be stupidity itself to put up candidates against proven 'hard' Brexit conservatives.

Secondly it should put forth a populist anti 'metropolitan elite 'manifesto, which should include abolishing the rule that we spend 0.7% of our GDP on overseas aid and instead announce that this money -some £13 billion will be redirected to defence and the health service. It should also contain a commitment to leave the absurd European Convention of Human Rights.

Thirdly - sadly Nigel Farage has said he won't stand for Parliament - which is a pity as I think if he had put himself forward in that ghastly vertically challenged little prig of a Speaker- Bercow's- constituency he would have romped home.  So in Nigel's absence perhaps the current UKIP leader, Mr Nuttall might give it a go  

Tuesday, 18 April 2017

Prince Harry and his Feelings

I'm afraid I am not going to join the majority in congratulating Prince Harry on 'coming out' with his stories of mental anguish and of showing his feelings.

When doing the TV series Life is Toff  the director kept on asking me;

"Francis what do you feel about............"   to which I eventually responded :

" How many times have I got to tell you - I don't do f****** feelings."  And I don't.

Other peoples feelings (whatever they maybe) are -along with other peoples children and other peoples illnesses  up there at the top of the League table of most boring topic of conversations ever.

It is also the 'Great Excuse' - Oh it is not my fault I am a complete dickhead it was because of  X . No -I'm sorry - if you at a complete dickhead it is your fault.

It is the great curse of modern society that we look for and find excuses for peoples behaviour and tell them that 'it is not your fault' forgetting the thousand of others who have had traumatic experiences who get a grip and fight through without recourse to ghastly psychiatrists peddling their bogus science of endless expensive counselling sessions.

I always remember taking my children for a walk when they were very little. Out of the corner of my eye I saw my eldest -who was lagging behind - fall over onto the rough road - I read his mind - shall I scream and cry or shall I get up and go on - he decided to get up and go on- but I have absolutely no doubt that if I had turned round and said: "Oh darling - are you all right? "   He would have burst into tears and howled. 

What we are doing with this modern obsession with 'feelings' is encouraging everybody to burst into tears and howl and IT IS NOT HEALTHY - rather the opposite.